After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
