I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
