You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
