your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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