Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
