sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
