My nipple is on Facebook.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
