I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
