I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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