I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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