i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
