the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
