OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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