I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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