So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
