Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
