halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
