fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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