Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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