Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
