Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this boner is exhausting
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
