I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
