I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
