My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
