I accidentally burped into my bong.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
