I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
