I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
