But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
