take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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