Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
