You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
