This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
