you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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