nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
