1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
