she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
