I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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