So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
