margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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