i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
