I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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