i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
