More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
