She is in my trunk
I have demons in me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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