im six kinds of drunk right now
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
