i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
