I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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