Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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