Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
