East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
farters have to be the big spoon...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
