You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
