everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
