people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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